Men’s Jokes and Humor about men’s.

Men’s Jokes, Humor about men’s perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny men’s joke. Better yet read a few dozen men’s jokes.

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them.
The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on.
The second guy says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won't help you outrun that bear."
"I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says, "I just need to outrun you."

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Men’s Jokes and Humor about men’s.

Men’s Jokes, Humor about men’s perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny men’s joke. Better yet read a few dozen men’s jokes.

There were three guys in a bar. Two are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives. The third remains silent.
After a while, one of the first two turned to the third and says, "Well... what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
"Well, on our honeymoon, I made damn sure my wife came to me on her hands and knees," he bragged and took another sip of beer.
His friends were amazed! "What happened then?" they asked, almost in unison."

"Well, then she said, "Get the hell out from under that bed and fight like a man!" he admitted.

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Men’s Jokes and Humor about men’s .

 

Men’s Jokes, Humor about men’s perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny men’s joke. Better yet read a few dozen men’s jokes.

A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"

Wife says, "I would take half and leave you".

Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now f*ck off!"

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Men’s Jokes and Humor about men’s.

Men’s Jokes, Humor about men’s perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny men’s joke. Better yet read a few dozen men’s jokes.

This french guy he wants to learn English.
So one day he goes to an airport to learn "take off".
Then he goes to the zoo to learn "zebra". Then he goes to the hospital "baby"
So one day he walks up too a hot girl on a beach in a bikini and he said "Take off zebra baby" (take off the bra baby).

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Men’s Jokes and Humor about men’s .

 

Men’s Jokes, Humor about men’s perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny men’s joke. Better yet read a few dozen men’s jokes.

There's 3 army generals and the government decides to pay them any way they want measured.

First guy says measure from the tip of my toe to the end of my finger.

So they do and its 73 inches so they pay him $730,000.

The second guy does the same and gets paid $650,000.

The third guy goes measure from the tip of my penis to the back of my balls.

They say OK drop your pants, so he does and they measure.

"You have no balls" they say.

"Yes I do," he replies, "they're still in Vietnam.

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Men’s Jokes and Humor about men’s .

Men’s Jokes, Humor about men’s perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny men’s joke. Better yet read a few dozen men’s jokes.

A man was digging a ditch, when he uncovered a lamp. When he brushed it off, a genie popped out, and said "To show my gratitude for releasing me, I'll grant you one wish.."
The man thought for a second, reached into his pocket, pulled out a map of the world, pointed to the Middle-East, and replied "I want you to bring peace to this area."
"Ooooh....I'm so sorry, that's impossible" said the genie. "There's absolutely no way I could accomplish such a great feat, so you'll have to choose another wish..."
The man then said "Well....then how about having my wife give me oral-sex voluntarily...?"
The genie thought for a minute, then said "Can I see that map again..?"

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Men’s Jokes and Humor about men’s .

 

Men’s Jokes, Humor about men’s perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny men’s joke. Better yet read a few dozen men’s jokes.

Three guys are at a restaurant, all with their girlfriends.
The first guy, thinking he is all suave, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the honey?...Honey."
Now, the second guy, copying the first, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the sugar?....Sugar."
So now, the third guy is under pressure. He has to come up with something good.
After, a minute of thinking he says to his girlfriend, "Pass me the pork...pig."

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Men’s Jokes and Humor about men’s

Men’s Jokes, Humor about men’s perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny men’s joke. Better yet read a few dozen men’s jokes.

 

UNLUCKY YOUNG MAN

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."
"Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down £500 and says: "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"
The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies: "Listen darlin', I'm not horny - I'm homesick."

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Men’s Jokes and Humor about men’s .

Men’s Jokes, Humor about men’s perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny men’s joke. Better yet read a few dozen men’s jokes.

MALE LOGIC

There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one 5000 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the 5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the 5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the
money and decided to marry the one with the largest breasts...

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. "So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks. "Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day." "Oh, my God," says Sid "So that's what heaven is like?" "Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."

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Men’s Jokes and Humor about men’s .

 Men’s Jokes, Humor about men’s perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny men’s joke. Better yet read a few dozen men’s jokes.

TRUE MEANING OF MALE STATEMENTS

Statement: "I'm a Romantic."

True Meaning: "I'm poor."

Statement: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."

True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."

Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."

True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."

Statement: "She's kinda cute."

True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the

head might be necessary."

Statement: "I don't know if I like her."

True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."

Statement: "Was it good for you?"

True Meaning: "I'm insecure about my manhood."

Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."

True Meaning: "Who are you?"

Statement: "Do you love me?"

True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."

Statement: "Do you 'really' love me?"

True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find

out sooner or later."

Statement: "How much do you love me?"

True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on

their way to tell you by now."

Statement: "I have something to tell you."

True Meaning: "Get tested."

Statement: "I've been thinking a lot."

True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."

Statement: "I think we should just be friends."

True Meaning: "You're ugly."

Statement: "I've learned a lot from you."

True Meaning: "Next!!!!"

Statement: "I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?" True Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."

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Mens Jokes and HUmor about mens

Mens Jokes, Humor about mens perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny mens joke. Better yet read a few dozen mens jokes.

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"

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Mens Jokes and HUmor about mens

 

Mens Jokes, Humor about mens perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny mens joke. Better yet read a few dozen mens jokes.

Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.

Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.

Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.

Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?

A. They don't have time.

Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. They don't stop and ask for directions.

Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.

Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.

Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.

Q. What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man?
A. Lazy

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Mens Jokes and HUmor about mens

Mens Jokes, Humor about mens perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny mens joke. Better yet read a few dozen mens jokes.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

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Mens Jokes and HUmor about mens

Mens Jokes, Humor about mens perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny mens joke. Better yet read a few dozen mens jokes.

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

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Mens Jokes and HUmor about mens

Mens Jokes, Humor about mens perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny mens joke. Better yet read a few dozen mens jokes.

A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

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Mens Jokes and HUmor about mens.

Mens Jokes, Humor about mens perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny mens joke. Better yet read a few dozen mens jokes.

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."

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Mens Jokes and HUmor about mens perspective.

Mens Jokes, Humor about mens perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny mens joke. Better yet read a few dozen mens jokes.

Politically Correct Usage When Talking About/To Females

She does not: GET PMS---She becomes: HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL

She does not have: A KILLER BODY---She is: TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE

She is not: A BAD COOK---She is: MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE

She is not: A BAD DRIVER---She is: AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED

She is not a: PERFECT 10---She is: NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR

She is not: EASY---She is: HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

She does not: HATE SPORTS ON TV---She is: ATHLETICALLY BIASED

She does not have: SEXY LIPS---She is: COLLAGEN DEPENDENT

She does not get: DRUNK---She is: ACCIDENTALLY OVER-SERVED

You do not ask her: TO DANCE---You request a: PRE-COITAL RHYTHMIC EXPERIENCE

She is not: A GOSSIP---She is a: VERBAL TERMINATOR

She does not: WORK OUT TOO MUCH---She is an: ABDOMINAL OVERACHIEVER

She does not have: A GREAT BUTT---She is: GLUTEUS TO THE MAXIMUS

She is not: HOOKED ON SOAP OPERAS---She is: MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED

She is not: COLD OR FRIGID---She is: THERMALLY INCOMPATIBLE

She does not: WEAR TOO MUCH MAKE-UP---She is: COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED

She does not have: GREAT CLEAVAGE (A GREAT RACK)---Her breasts are: CENTRALLY LOCATED

She will never: GAIN WEIGHT---She will become: A METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER

She is not: A SCREAMER OR MOANER---She is: VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

She does not: SHAVE HER LEGS---She experiences: TEMPORARY STUBBLE REDUCTION

She does not have: A HARD BODY---She is: ANATOMICALLY INFLEXIBLE

She does not: SUN BATHE---She experiences: SOLAR ENHANCEMENT

Her breast will never: SAG---They will: LOSE THEIR VERTICAL HOLD

She does not: SHOP TOO MUCH---She is: OVERLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO MARKETING PLOYS

She does not: CUT YOU OFF---She becomes: HORIZONTALLY INACCESSIBLE

She does not have: BIG HAIR---She is: OVERLY AEROSOLED

She does not: SNORE---She is: NASALLY REPETITIVE

She does not: GET DRUNK---She becomes: VERBALLY DYSLEXIC

She does not have: BIG HOOTERS---Her: CUPS RUNNETH OVER

She is not: TOO SKINNY---She is: SKELETALLY PROMINENT

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Mens Jokes and HUmor about mens perspective.

Mens Jokes, Humor about mens perspective. Have some fun. Read a funny mens joke. Better yet read a few dozen mens jokes.

Men's Perspective

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There's a clock on the oven!
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months -I don't like to interrupt her
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%-- wedding cake.

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MAXGXL supports the body's ability to produce and recycle your body's own glutathione.

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