facebook jokes/ read more on facebook friend jokes post.!!

Mikaela Robrigado

Girl: May bagong unlimited ah?
Boy: Oh? Nu naman unli un?
Girl: Ikaw, unlimited ka sa puso ko!
Boy: Wow ha! talaga?…
Girl: OO! BUKAS EXPIRED KNA!!!

Jaidee Domingo

PASYENTE: dok pag tuwing umiinom ako coke sumasakit ang tiyan ko, pero pag libre hindi.
anu kaya skit ko??
DOCTOR: manipis ang atay mo pero . .. . . . .mkapal ang mukha mo!!!!
_.,haha

Jhon Dexter Dizon Malunao

Sa kalagitnaAn ng gera !
pedro: sumuko na kyo! wla rn kau mapa2la.
terorista: su2ko lng kmi kung mai-spel mo ung ceasefire ?
pedro: ituloy ang laban! patay kung patay! Pada2lhan ko kau ng crysanthemum sa inyong lbing!
terorista: spel crysanthemum?
pedro: sabi ko rose, bingi ba? Laban kung laban..walang spelingan . . Hahaha. .

Ako Si Ady Reyes

Isolated Camp
Isang U.S. Major ang na-stationed sa isolated na Kampo sa Iraq. Kinabukasan, habang may ispection, napansin ng Major ang isang camel na nakatali sa likuran ng Barracks. Nagtanong siya sa Sergeant kung bakit may alagang camel sa Kampo.
SGT: Major, dito sa kampo, masyadong malayo ang bayan kaya't kung sinuman ang gustong makatikim ng ligaya, nandito naman ang camel.
Major: Bawal mag alaga ng hayop dito sa Kampo pero kung para sa 'morale' ng mga Troops, it's okey with me.
Makalipas ang anim na buwan, hindi na makatiis ang Major kaya't tinawag ang Sarhento.
Major: Dalhin mo dito sa tent ang camel. Walang nagawa ang Sarhento kaya't dinala ang camel sa loob ng tent. Makalipas ang 15 minutes, lumabas ang Major na nakangiti.
Major: Sergeant, ganito ba ang ginagawa ng mga Troops pag nalulungkot sila?
Sergeant: Hindi po Sir, sinasakyan nila ang camel papunta sa bayan para makahanap ng mga babae!

Ako Si Ady Reyes

Ututin na boyfriend
Binibisita ng boyfriend ang kanyang girlfriend. Kumain sila at umupo sa salas.
Marami ang nakain ng bf at kailangan niyang maglabas ng masamang hangin. Ngunit nahihiya siya sa gf niya. Pinigil ng bf ang pag-utot, pero hindi niya na ito nakaya.
PPOOOOOTTTTT!!!!!
Huminto ang bf sa paggalaw. Hiyang0-hiya siya at pulang pula ang mukha. Tiningnan niya ang gf niya.
Walang siya ang gf, pero biglang tinawag ang aso na nasa ilalim ng upuan ng bf.
"Rex, umalis ka nga dyan!"
Pero walang kilos ang aso. Nakahinga ng maluwag ang bf at inisip - "Hay salamat, akala niya yung aso ang umutot!"
Nag-chat sila, ngunit nakaraan ang ilang sandali ay napapa-utot muli ang bf dahil talagang ang dami niyang kinain. Hindi niya ulit ito napigilan.
PPPOOOOOOTTTTT!!!!
Kinabahan ulit ang bf at namula. Muling sinabi ng gf, "Rex, ano ka ba? Umalis ka dyan sabi eh!"
Wala paring kibo ang aso. "Hay salamat sa aso," isip ng bf, "Akala niya ulit yung aso ang umutot."
Nag-chat ulit sila, pero napapa-utot ulit ang bf at hindi niya ito napigilan.
PPPPOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT!!!!!!
Tumayo ang gf "Rex! Umalis ka dyan baka mataihan ka!!!!"

Arjay Gonzales

H0STAGE TAKING
TAKER : bago ko siNasaktan ang mga biktiMa ko, kinikilala ko muNa lhat..
(tiNuro ang isang babaE)
TAKER : ikaw aNung paNgalan m0?
GIRL : maria po..
TAKER: kpangalan m0 nanay ko kea di na kta sasaktan!
(tinur0 ang isaNg lalake)
TAKER : ikaw tay0! anung pangalaN m0?
B0Y : eNric0 po.! but my freNz calL me .. MARIA ALSO..

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Jennie Usman Alba

Kapag makati ang il0ng m0 my nakakamis sayo.
Kapag makati ang labi m0 may gust0ng humalik sayo,
kapag makati ang bu0ng katawan m0
Aba maligo ka! DI kana kasi naliligo enyahahahahahahahaha,

Rizza Camungao

Boy: Nay may ulam ba?
Nanay: Tignan mo na lang dyan sa ref, anak.
Boy: Eh wala naman tayong ref, di ba? Nanay: O, e di wala tayong ulam. Konting common sense naman dyan!

Gem Laurzano

ANG PAMANA....
LOLA: apo dahil sa ikaw ang pinakamabait kong apo,sayo ko papamana ang hekta hektaryang sakahan ko,mga baka,baboy,at kabayo...
APO: talaga po lola naku?! salamat po lola...eh san po ba tong hacienda nyo?????

LOLA: sa FACEBOOK ko....click you lang don yong FARMVILLE...email ad ko (hotlola69@yahoo.com),password (malasimpatiko)...lol...

Mikaela Robrigado

noon,.pagmaganda ligawan mo agad.,.
ngaun.,.pagmaganda titigan mo muna baka bakla.,.,
noon konti lng ang lalaking gwapo.,.,
ngaun.,bihira na lang ang gwapong tunay na lalaki..,
noon.,pag gwapo babaero,.,
ngaun.,pati mga panget babaero nadin.,
minsa choosy pa kakapal ng mukha,.,
noon,hintayin bumilog ang bwan bago magpakasal.,.,
ngaun,.,hintayin bumilog ang tyan bago pakasalan,.

jajaja. 

Zcerel Yda Espero Orzame

juan: sino ang pinakamatangkad na tao sa buong mundo?
pedro:cnu nman un?
juan:d ang kuba.kc kahit gaano kataas ang pinto yumuyuko cla >:D

Janelei Marie Pascua

‎"Habang pinapanood mong inumin ang kapeng may lason ng asawa mo, hindi ka man lang ba naawa sa kanya kahit isang beses?" tanong ng abogado sa
babaeng nasasakdal.
"Naawa naman po," sagot ng babae.
"At kailan `yon?"
"Nu'ng humingi siya ng isa pang tasa ng kape."
:))

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Kahitbatapaako Potpot

Intsik: Patay punta sa heaven, asks St. Peter: “ Ano dyan sa kabila?”
St. Peter: “Wala, impyerno. Super init!!”
Intsik: “Lipat ako dun.”
St. Peter: “Ha! Bakit?!”
Intsik: Ako benta ice water.

Julie Pearl Beltran Lim

Nanay: bakit puro putik ka??? At ang baho mo pa???
Anak: nakita mo ba yung kanal dun sa harap???
Nanay: oo, bakit???
Anak: pwes ako hindi ko nakita!!!
Masaya kana???

Michael Sicat

paano mo malalaman kung may sakit ka
1: kainin mo yung kulangot mo kung maalat may sakit ka sa KIDNEY
2: kainin mo yung kulangot mo kung mapait may sakit ka sa ATAY
3: kainin mo yung kulangot mo kung matamis may sakit kang DAIBETES
4; AT huli pag kinain mo yung kulangot mo may sakit ka sa UTAK

Paul Laynard Opeña

si amerikano at si pilipino ay
nagbanggaan sa mall......
pilipino: i'm sori
amerikano: i'm sori too!
pilipino: i'm sori three.
amerikano: wat is ur sori for?
pilipino; sori five!
amerikano: i think ur sick.
pilipino: (nagtaka) wah! sik kanu six...dambel!
ahaahahaahaha...... pilipino nan talaga oh!!!!!hahaha

Benedict Castillo

Dati ang gam0t
daw sa labnat yakapsul at kiszpirin
ngaun?
An0 na ang uso..?!bi0geSEX!!!
Pwd gawin kahit walang laman ang tyan...
Ingat... :)

Salvador Lai

May tatlong mgkakaibigan c pipi,bingi,bulag,umumakyat cla ng puno, nauna c pipi,sumunod c binge,nahuli c bulag, bulag.paano ko malalaman paghinog na ang star apple, pipi,nagsigninias kay binge.. Binge..sbi kay bulag pagmalambot na hinog na, d akyat cla maya pa kumapkap na c bulog sbi i2 hinog hinihila,sbi ni binge hinde yan sbi ni bulag sbi m pagmalambot hinog sbi binge oo nga pero itlog ko yan hinihila mo ..hahahahahahahahahaha ayyy ginoo.,

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Elizabeth Delos ReyesNgongong husband ang wife making love:

 ngongo: muka mo mamute
wife: d nman ah
ngongo: muka mo mamute
wife: d nga sabi maputi e
ngongo: (sumigaw) MUKA MO MAMUTE!

Anak: (nagising) Ma, anu ba!? Ibuka mo daw mabuti sabi ni papa, kanina pa kau,ang iingay nyo ah:))

Bats Ang Itawag Musakin  BATA:ate pabli nga pong isang juice na litro pack
TINDERA:ung powder?
BATA:bkt ate?meron kaung
bareta?

May Joy Soriano'LOLO:apo magtago ka nanjan na titser mo alam nya umabsent ka ngayon dba'.??APO:lo magtago ka rin kxe sabi ko patay kna kya ako umabsent!
-hahaha:))

KaRena HuFalara.,AMA:anak kpg bumgsak k sa exam mo,
kalimutan m ng may ama ka,
(pagkatapos ng exam)
AMA:musta ang exam mo anak ANAK:HU U? 

AR Pagara Boy 1: Pare magaling na ako sa spelling!
Boy 2: Sige nga spell mo yung “orange”…
Boy 1: hehehe…nililito mo ko noh?...anong orange bay un? Yung prutas o yung kulay?
haha

Jeoffrey Hadlocon

Mag-asawa ng aaway, misis: tang ina m0!, mister: tang na m0 rin, misis: gag0 ka!, mister gag0 ka rin!, tarantad0 ka!, mister: tarantad0 ka rin!, misis: sup0t!, mister: un lng!, isang kapit-bhay lumabas at galit na galit, kapitbhay: KUNG KAYO MAGAAWAY WAG KAYONG MANDADAMAY!, mga buset!,

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Jefferson Galapon....boy..miss kayat mu hulaan kita?

...gurl...cge man garud..
...boy..awan bf mu anya?
..gurl..wow!naglaing ka ah!apay naamwam!!...
..boy..nagpangit ka gamen eh!!!
...hahaha....basag!!

Fiesal Habbiling Tomas Batang nang boboso
Bata nasa bubong.. Binobosohan ang magsyota.
girl: Paano 'pag nabuntis ako?
...boy: Bahala na ang nasa taas..
bata: (nagulat) Hala!! Bat ako? Nanonood lang ako ah!,^_^lol,..

Ayummy Ericka Lopez Gwapong boy at cute na girl nag usap..
Boy: ui.. Gusto mu punta tayo ng egypt.. Sagot ko.. Haha..
Girl: bakit sa egypt pa? Masyadung malayo..
Boy: ok lang, basta para sayo.. ^_^
Girl: baket nga..
Boy: gagawin kitang mummy..
Girl: huh?! Ah ok.. =/
Boy: joke lang mommy ng mga anak ko^_~
Girl: ayiee=)

Bimboy Paras PEDRO: Galing ako sa doktor,

nakabili na ako ng hearing aid.
Grabe ang linaw ngayon nang pandinig ko!
JUAN: Wow, galing!
Magkanong bili mo sa hearing aid?
.
PEDRO: Kahapon lang! :-)

Nefertiti Preserved One day, the King announced to his crowd of people about his deal.
King: kung sino man ang mkkatawid dun s tubig n puno ng buwaya ay papipiliin ko sa dalawa..pakasalan ang anak ko o 1 billiong salapi.
d crowd murmur, nobody dares to swim.
till 1 man jumps in & fastly swim & succesfully crossed d water..
King: braveman, what do u want? marry my daughter or the 1billion?
Braveman: hindi ko kelangan ang anak mo o 1bilyon mo! ang gus2 kong malaman ay kung sino ang lokong nagtulak sakin!

Bimboy ParasSa sobrang klasingan ni Juan,sya ay npaihi sa daan

Habang umiihi sa gilid,knagat ng Sawa ang knyang bird
Npasigaw siya.
Juan: Araay!Pedro!! 2mawag ka sa Doktor!
kinagat ng sawa ung bird ko!
Pedro:(Tumawag kay doc.) Hello Doc!
Tinuklaw ho ng ahas yung kaibigan ko
Ano hong gagawin ko?!
Doc:Sipsipin mo ung part na kinagat
para mahigup mo ung lason.
Juan:Ano sabi ng Doktor?!
Pedro:Wla ka nang pag- asa!
Ma3tay ka na! :-D

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Bacoor Town Fiesta NorCal Junior: Inay, ako lang ang nakasagot sa tanong ng titser namin kanina! Inay: Very good anak, ano ba ang tanong ng titser ninyo? Juinior: Sino ang walang assignment?

Billy Ben Pidol: Ano bang hinahanap mo dyan sa supot ng 3 in 1 coffee. Kanina ka pa silip ng silip dyan. Erap: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal. Nakasulat kasi sa karton, "Sugar Free"..

Gyle Paule   Boy-Password ka ba miss?Girl-<kilig>Bakit?

Boy-Kasi di kita pwede ipamigay sa iba ehh... Girl-Ang sweet mo naman...Boy-Pero kaya kitang palitan!!!haha..

 Shir Gerard Galotera  ANAK: nay, bili mo ako baril. barilin ko si kuya.NANAY: anak, bad yan! ANAK: edi espada na lang para saksakin ko si tatay. NANAY: naku anak! *** di makakasakit ng tao. ANAK: manika na lang pala, 'nay. NANAY: good! yan ang mabait na bata. ANAK: samahan mo na ng karayon para kulamin kita ha, 'nay!

Happy Cooletz Boy: Dry ng Lips mo ahh. ...Girl: Talaga?

Boy: haLika nga dito para di mag dry.
Girl: Weh? Baka Halikan mo ako?
Boy: GAGA! lalagyan ko lang ng Lip-gloss para bongga ! kaloka k !

Alissa I. San Juan

Boy1: nag.aalala ako sa kapatid ko.
Boy2: bakit?
             Boy1:lage nya kseng kinakausap sarili nya dati .pero ngayun dna.

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iDracula v1.1 for iphones/ ipad...

Screenshot for iphone

idracula version 1.1 free downloads

Description

You are the hunter. Vampire hunter. Well, not quite. In fact, you are being hunted. Or you're just trying to survive a little more against the horde of Vampires, Werewolves, Witches and Dracula himself.

Can you stand the night? iDracula is an intense survival shooter - the most intense game in the App Store. You begin with a simple gun and slow monsters, but as the time passes, they grow stronger and faster, dropping better weapons. You will also be able to gain "perks", as you earn enough experience.

iDracula Game Features:

- The Most intense game ever! Not for the nervous!
- Amazing graphics, superlative animation
- 8 different weapons - Gun, Rifle, Crossbow, Grenade Launcher, Machine Gun, Blade Ripper, Flamethrower and BFG (yes, it's big).
- Four game modes - Survival, Rush, Super Survival, and Wave Attack
- Perk system.

Want to download click the links to download:

IDRACULA VERSION 1.1

Brothers in Arms(Hours of Heroes)-v1.3.5

Free to download

Brothers in arms

JOIN YOUR ALLIES ONLINE
For the first time, challenge up to 5 friends to multiplayer battles on a variety of five maps in 3 different modes (Free For All, Team Deathmatch, Domination). You can connect locally via Bluetooth or even go online with Wi-Fi to battle friends anywhere.

A FIGHT ACROSS THE GLOBE
Experience every front of the war with battles raging across 5 locations and 13 levels: Pacific, Normandy, North Africa, Germany, Sicily.

WAR MACHINES
Take control of 3 different vehicles including a tank, 4x4 or glider to overrun your opponents - or to make a daring escape. You can even jump behind the vehicle turret to lay waste to foes with the machine gun.

THE BATTLE COMES TO LIFE
The stunning graphics have been specially enhanced for the iPad. And combined with authentic settings inspired by real WWII battlefields, the action is more lifelike than ever.

AN EPIC EXPERIENCE
Witness compelling cinematic moments with more interaction between you and your squad members that deepens the gameplay.

AN ARSENAL AT YOUR DISPOSAL
Grab a wide variety of historically accurate weapons including machine guns, bazookas, sniper rifles and flamethrowers.

Download links : 

Brothers in Arms

ISNIPER GAMES FOR IPAD/IPHONES TOUCH

Sniper games 3D

elite sniper for GATO (global anti-terrorist organization), and an unsung hero in the war against new terrorism. three months ago, you stopped a biological missile attack with a last minute bullet.

now, a new threat is emerging. HEAVEN, the world's largest and most well connected global terrorism group is preparing for action. retirement is no longer an option. a mysterious phone call convinces you to get back on the job, and join GATO's new special forces unit, GST.
but this is just the beginning...
sometimes, war gets personal.

-intuitive and exhilarating gameplay
-incredibly detailed full 3D battle fields
-gripping cinematic story line
-super easy tap and tilt controls
-classic hold-your-breath mode
-world's greatest sniper rifles
-upgradeable weapons
-multiple modes: story, arcade and challenge mode
-multiple difficulties: easy, normal, and hard.

Download here: ISNIPER 3D

Tank war

Description

Finally, a real masculine arcade game with explosive World War II warfare has invaded the App Store. 

Great Tank War puts the future of the free world in your hands with awesome firepower, stunning 3D graphics and ultra-realistic game play.
Great Tank War pits the formidable U.S. Sherman tanks against the notorious German Tiger tanks and other historically accurate armored vehicles. Blast your way through countless, challenging battles, using Great Tank Wars’ intuitive controls, your wits and an array of powerful weaponry. 
Upgrade your tank’s armor to withstand the punishing enemy attacks. Unlock your tank’s 5 weapon types—AFV 75mm cannon, Pounder Firefly, Flamethrower, Calliope and 105MM howitzer—to wreak havoc on enemy forces. 

Best Ranking #1 in Simulation.
Best Ranking #5 in Strategy.
Best Ranking #23 in Games All.
Best Ranking #33 in All Apps.

Features:
- Amazing full 3-D graphics
- Historically accurate tanks and weapons
- Intuitive controls
- Realistic tank battles across numerous levels
- Multiple armor and weapons upgrades

They say that war can be addictive. Download Great Tank War and find out why.

Download here:

tank war

final fantasy any version

download free final fintasy

Description

---
To celebrate the release of Final Fantasy Tactics: The War of the Lions,
Square Enix games are on sale at reduced prices for just one week!

FINAL FANTASY

Initially released in Japan in 1987, the original FINAL FANTASY amazed audiences with its rich story and stunning graphics.

Players guide the Warriors of Light as they set out on a quest to

 restore the crystals to their former luster. Its side view battles, choice and promotion of character classes, and sprawling world

 explored with fantastic vehicles quickly became standards of the 

series. This game set the stage for all FINAL FANTASY games to come.

Download final fantasy here:
final fantasy
final fantasy VII
final fantasy III 3D

Iphone games collection

Angry birds games for iphone and ipad

final fantasy 3 version 

Tank War games version 1.4

Isniper 3D Games Version 2.9 

Brother in arms v1.3.5

Idracula v1.1 games

angry birds for iphone/ipad touch

fill free with this games using your phone and ipad.
Watch the Rio Movie Commercial during the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl to find a hidden clue which unlocks a special level of Angry Birds!

The survival of the Angry Birds is at stake. Dish out revenge on the green pigs who stole the Birds’ eggs. Use the unique destructive powers of the Angry Birds to lay waste to the pigs’ fortified castles. Angry Birds features hours of gameplay, challenging physics-based castle demolition, and lots of replay value. Each of the 225 levels requires logic, skill, and brute force to crush the enemy.

free download angry birds here

links:

fileape.com

mediafire

earn money with your phone